Festivelle 2016 – My experience – Lots of fun -Totally unedited

I had driven down from Pune to attend Festivelle 2016. I was there at the event to network for my upcoming book ‘Samaira and the gang in London.’ (More on that later for here I want to talk about Festivelle - the first women only event organized by two lovely ladies- Gul Panag and Shruti Seth)

I reached the venue well in time and was happy to experience a vibe similar to what I used to get in our college festivals – a blend of uninhibited enthusiasm and positive energy. Organizers were scurrying for getting things ready. I also saw Shruti running around trying to take care of last minute stuff.

There was a beautiful Festivelle logo at the entrance. I clicked a pic and tweeted about it.

I walked past the line-up of beautiful stalls and entered the beach facing garden. As I stood there clueless on where to go, Shruti volunteered to help and directed me to the first session of the day. It was quite pleasing to see Shruti extend all hospitality to guests like me and help us find our way.

First session of the day – Lessons from Kim Kardashian

Panelists- Gul Panag, Miss Malini and Kiran Manral

The hall was slowly filling up but it was nice that the Festivelle team stuck to its schedule. The discussion between Gul, Miss Malini and Kiran Manral was a perfect kick start to this women only event. They spoke about how the first instinct of women is to uplift other women, which we should never forget.

Gul spoke about how she was just another student at a college in Patiala, and how she got an opportunity to participate in a beauty pageant and from there, how she made the most of every opportunity that came her way. She also spoke about her recent entrepreneurial venture Mobiefit – focussing on fitness centered mobile apps.  

Miss Malini shared her experience about being a woman in the digital space, the do’s and dont's for sharing information on social media and how her blog turned into a successful business venture -thanks to her passion. She also advised not to say anything on social media that you would not in personal life. Kiran Manral, the moderator for the session, was grace personified. She conducted the session with a lot of panache.

When someone asked - ‘How to build your personal brand on social media’, Gul nailed it by saying - Be who you are! Be natural! Be unique!

My take away from the discussion - 

Stop wearing your gender over your sleeve. Just be!

During the discussion, I saw Gul looking at her phone a couple of times. While contributing her wise nuggets at the session, she also kept a tab on the twitter conversations about Festivelle. In fact, she retweeted the Festivelle logo pic that I had tweeted a few minutes ago, during this session itself, never losing her presence of mind in the process.

Post the session I met Gul and requested her for a selfie. She was extremely warm and gracious. What struck me was the fact that she was hounded by requests from 100s of women like me for selfies and she was equally warm to each. In fact, she made sure that each one of us got a perfect picture, with proper light and pose.- Who wouldn’t love her for that!

Second session of the day – We are our Hormones

Panelists -Dr. Sheetal Sabharwal, Naiyya Saggi, and Sonali Gupta

It was truly a fun session and I must give full marks to the moderator, Naiyya Saggi, who conducted it so well. Before beginning the session, Naiyya suggested that we hug the person sitting next to us (yes, you can suggest such things only at ‘no men’ events) Naiyya told us to share one thing that we are most proud of with this person. My neighbor was this pretty lady from Future Group -Priya Udani, who had come with her colleagues. Apparently, Future group had sent their women to have fun at this event while men had a working day at the office.

Wonderful tweetable quotes came out of this session-

‘Sex is to be enjoyed between the years and not between the legs’ said one of the panelists while answering a question on why women have lesser sex drive than men. I tweeted this cool thought and I must mention this tweet of mine got the maximum impressions, retweets, and likes. No wonder!

Discussions also veered towards how mothers eat the leftover food of their kids as they don’t want to waste it. Another quotable quote was spoken by one of the panelists on this topic– ‘It is better to waste it than put it on your waist!’

There was also a funny discussion around the term Starfish Sex (I know most of you will google this term. Go do it cos I am not revealing its meaning here J )

My takeaways from the session -

 Although it is our hormones that drive us, and we are bound to feel low on a few days, but we can cheat our hormones by –

Doing things that make us truly happy, indulging in self-care (as women, we completely ignore this) and building a positive narrative about our life to motivate us during low times.

I met Naiyya Saggi outside and complemented her for conducting the session so well. She spoke about her entrepreneurial venture Babychakra and looking at my phone quickly suggested to download the app. I did!

I realized I was hungry so I quickly grabbed a Paneer tikka wrap and a mocktail. Must say - very reasonably priced and very tasty too.

Third Session of the day – It’s good to be a bad mom

Srishti Arya, Pooja Bedi, Mini Mathur, Lalita Iyer and Shubha Shetty

I was so looking forward to this session. My favorite anchor Mini Mathur was part of the panel. Actually,  it was for her that I had driven down all the way from Pune, to meet and discuss my upcoming book. (more on that later)

It is an absolute delight to watch Mini Mathur on and off stage. She is so full of energy and has such positive vibes. Her views on motherhood – ‘Only a happy individual can make a happy mom’- which is why it is so important that you continue with your careers and pursue your passions even after becoming a mom. Srishti shared how in the initial motherhood years, she felt guilty of not spending enough time with her baby, and in most cases, the guilt came not from her kiddo but from other moms. She also said- 'All kids get the mother they need.' I guess it’s time we mothers bury the guilt card for good.

Mini also said that if children see a happy fulfilled individual in their mom, they become that. She further mentioned – ‘The quality of time that you give to your child matters much more than the quantity.’

Pooja Bedi shared some interesting personal stories about raising her kids, disciplining them, hiring help for less important stuff (read cooking), so that she could give her best time to kids and balance career and life.

Srishti Arya shared how, one day, her son complained that she doesn’t bake for him like his friend’s mom did. Srishti said “I told him that I don’t compare your marks with your friend so you don’t compare me to anyone. You talk to me and I talk to you.” Indeed, a smart answer from a smart mom. Result -Her son stopped those mommy comparisons immediately.

I loved this discussion and wish it could be longer for it was an absolute delight to hear parenting experiences of these ladies. Mini stated that she hates those moms who run around to put their kids in every possible class in town (how I love her for saying that). Lalita Iyer said it so well –“By sending kids to school, you are already putting them in a box, how many more boxes will you create?”

My takeaways from the session-

There is more than one kind of a good mother. Very well said. I certainly feel less guilty for not spending as much time with my kiddo as stay-at-home moms do.

Post the session, I went for some Retail therapy. I particularly liked the collection of this beautiful Lady -Himangi who brought her brand Myaara - all the way from Delhi. She looked chic in her white wrap around dress. In fact, most people were drawn to her stall cos of this lovely white dress she wore. Must say she simply looked stunning. She told me she doesn’t make anything that she herself would not wear. That’s a cool thought. Way to go Myaara! She was also kind enough to offer her power bank as my mobile battery was dying.

Another interesting stall was ‘The Butternut Co.’ I loved the organic stuff they had, tasted a few flavors and bought the peanut butter flavour. It was absolutely yummy.

Another stall owner I interacted was Bays. Yes her name was Bays. (She told me the story behind this name, which I am not telling here) Quite unique. She also had a very nice collection. She introduced me to her soon to be hubby. It was quite nice chatting with her.

Last session of the day: Sisterhood- Cheaper than a Shrink

Mini Mathur, Jaya Misra, and Maria Goretti

3 of these panelists are dear friends and are besties for long. No wonder the Festivelle team had carefully chosen them to be part of this discussion on Sisterhood. They shared their hilarious personal anecdotes, stories from only girls holiday trips and the super fun that they have without their kids and hubbies and how it is important for each woman to have at least one women bestie in her life!

Mini said that there are times in everyone’s life that you suddenly spiral into a well and you need someone who can help you zoom out of the situation and change your perspective. Wonderfully crafted words. Told you Mini. You should write!

They spoke about their whatsapp group called ‘Jai mata di mental hospital’. Next time I meet Mini I want to ask if it’s for real J

Maria shared her love for cooking and if something goes wrong with her friendships, she tries to make it through her cooking. Mini said she bribes people with her culinary skills.

All in all a wonderful session. All 3 of them echoed the same sentiment – If and when you find your tribe, hold close to them, cos girls need other girls as their best friends. Amen!

Maria shared her cookery book with a pair of besties from the audience. She told them to share pics of the food they prepare using her recipes. Maria’s passion for cooking and her book was admirable. She gave me a valuable tip – “You write books because you want to. So when you put yours up in the market don’t break your heart if it doesn’t fetch you money. You do it, cos you love it! Period.” Point taken Mam.

Post the session, all the women walked upto these lovely ladies for selfies. They did the needful so very graciously. I must say -If the spirit of Festivelle was about bringing women together and uplifting each other, these women were the best champions of that spirit.

I met Gul Panag on my way out and congratulated her for the brilliant show. She gave me a warm hug for that!

Gul and Shruti - Cheers to both of you! Already looking forward to the next Festivelle. God bless you and May your tribe grow!

P.S. - Neha Kare – I missed meeting you and your session. I am sure you rocked as always! Love to You!

Prasoon Joshi's session at Pune International Literary Festival 2016: A first hand account by a hard core fan

I remember as a young girl whenever we used to sign birthday cards, we would invariably write on the back of the envelope “Open with an ear-to-ear smile”. It would almost always bring a brimming smile on the face of the receiver who would open the card with far more enthusiasm than otherwise.

As you grow up you experience fewer such moments of pure joy and bliss cos the intellect becomes too strong to let you feel the innocence of childhood. This Sunday, I attended Prasoon Joshi’s session at the recently concluded Pune International Literary Festival. It was one hour of sheer joy and bliss to see someone breathe and talk so passionately about his creative pursuit - poetry.

Tears trickled down my eyes as he recited his beautiful poems. From the famous ‘Tare zameen pe’ song to the ‘raksha bandhan’ poem he wrote for his sisters. The most outstanding of them all was his recent poem - “sharm aa rahi hai na” poem that he wrote after the indian women made us proud by getting accolades at the Olympics.

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He also hummed a few of his songs. It was pure passion at play. He spoke about how he wrote the extremely popular song - maula maula from Delhi 6. He recounted that every day while going to school, he used to pass by a durgah, where an old lady with wrinkled face would be sitting and praying. From that memory, he wrote the following words:

arziyaan saari main, chehre pe likh ke laaya hoon
tumse kya maangu main, tum khud hi samjah lo.
dararein dararein hain maathe pe maula
marammat mukaddar ki kar do maula, mere maula.

What a beautiful expression to a child’s memory!

One could further get a sneak peek into this genius’s mind when he answered an aspiring young writer's question on how to become a lyricist in Bollywood. He said “Be like a river, learn each day and keep moving…behte raho kyunki maza behne mein he hai." He further added that he published his first book when he was 17, now even in his 40s he feels that he’s nowhere close to the masters who inspire him. He feels he’s still learning each day. He shared another interesting anecdote that one particular guy used to send him a poem daily. Mr. Joshi ignored the mail every day. But the guy kept sending the poems persistently. After 6 months, he said that he started feeling guilty so he took a print out of all the poems and read them in one go. He liked some of the work and therefore hired the young man in his company. A subtle way of teaching us a lesson in Perseverance. Point taken Sir.

The entire hall crackled with the raw energy and passion that Mr. Prasoon exuded. It is in moments like these that you lose count of time.

He also shared his thought process behind the famous Happydent chewing gum ad that he conceptualised. He said “The regal and feudal Indian past triggered off the idea of a fantastical, imaginary world lit by sparkling human teeth” For those who don’t know his Happydent chewing gum ad has been rated among the 20 best ads of this century by The Gunn Report - the global index of creative excellence in advertising.

I can go on and on because as a fan, no matter how hard I try to express my pride in sharing the same space as my hero, I can’t.

I end this post with his beautiful message that it is good to be inspired by many but it is important that you keep your own fragrance authentic. In his words: "apni khushbu authentic rakhen" Amen!

Samaira and the gang in London

Soft Skills lesson 4 : Listening skills

Soft Skills lesson 4  : Listening skills


Embarrasing situations and myself run parallel to each other in life. My indiscretions have become so grave and frequent that that I want to forget the incident the moment it happens. Probably, I am too mortified to accept the kind of awkwardness I have put myself into and sometimes others aswell.


As they say,"Commit mistakes, but do not repeat them. Make new ones."

So, I have now resolved to look into my embarassing encounters and learn some perennial lessons from them.Trust me, it is like living your own clumsiness all over again, going through the 'What a fool I am' phase afresh, accompanied by an apologetic smile, flushed cheeks, something churning in tummy, and a deep desire to erase the incident from either memory or life..

Well, after extracting enough courage from inside myself, I am reflecting on my recent faux pas and trying to learn a lesson from it too. I was at my husband's colleague's place, who had thrown a farewell party for us as we leave London for good. There were other colleagues and their families aswell. Now, we have all known each other for over a couple of years and share a good rapport.. Me and a colleague's wife were sitting across each other on the dinner table and a third lady was standing closely overlooking us from the open kitchen plan. This lady from across the table, passed a polythin bag to me saying " This is your hubby's jacket ( which he had left at our place last month). Without listening to the bracketed words, I chose to say "What is the need for this? I am not taking any souvenirs. We'll be in touch then why the formality. She restated  sheepishly" No No  it's your hubby's he left it at our place".To save both of us from the awkwardness, I asked " O really, when did he leave it". The damage, anyways, had already been done.

I had not only thrown an egg on my own face but made her uncomfortable too by making her feel that I was expecting a farewell gift.

Never before have I felt the need to be a good listener than the way I felt today. Had I let finish her sentence and then responded, I would have saved myself this piece of writing at 2 in the night.

Some research has pointed out that our listening skills have become so poor that even before people finish what they have to say,we are framing answers in our minds.

It is also pertinent to note that listening  is not the same as hearing.  Hearing refers to the sounds that you hear, whereas listening requires more than that: it requires focus.  Listening means paying attention not only to the story, but how it is told, the use of language and voice, and how the other person uses his or her body.  In other words, it means being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages.  Your ability to listen effectively depends on the degree to which you perceive and understand these messages. Lesson well learnt !!!

Soft skills lesson 3

I am generally a good host and treat people very nicely whoever comes to my house. In our culture, we are taught 'atithi devo bhava', meaning 'Guest is next to God'. What we learn at young age are probably very strong impressions that remain with us throughout life. This makes me feel that all that I ever learnt in life was in the first fifteen years. Gosh,What went wrong after that!!! A lot I guess..College, adolescence, an abysmal interest in boys...But more on that later. Let me not digress. 

As I am gliding on a self adulatory trip about my hostess skills, I must confess one such occasion where I did not do much justice to the situation. The guest in this case was my landlord, an elderly british gentleman, who's purpose of visit was to help me equip myself with the workings of the new washing machine, which he had just bought for us. I hate technical manuals and he had been kind enough to offer help. Moreover, he always says that it's my house so I better understand the workings of things. Very responsible thought indeed.

Now, I had had a bad day so far with a sleepless previous night (baby chose to wake up every hour), cranky behaviour in the day and no time for doing the basic of chores read bathing, eating etc. The first six months or more, of the new arrival's existence had been more or less like this only. The incredible optimist that I have always been (things are changing now),I tell myself every night "This too shall pass".(Moral from a fable where the king wears a ring which has such magical powers that if a happy man looks at it, he becomes sad, and if a sad man looks at it, he becomes happy. It has these golden words inscribed on it ).

 Anyways, the landlord arrives in time for our discerning session on the recent acquisition. After exchanging pleasantries, he got down to work. I kept a few clothes in the machine so that while going through the manual, we could simultaneously test the effectiveness of the appliance. His love for such widgets and curiosity to learn new things in infectious. Not on this occasion though., considering the kind of day I had had. He passed me my copy of the manual and started going through the pages one after the other. From, safety instructions to understanding different parts and their functions and ofcourse cross checking the presence of those parts in the machine, from programme selecting options to drying options, from drying with normal settings to drying with customised settings, from activating childproof lock to what not (from this point onwards, I had lost interest and hated myself for calling him and not doing it myself ),we went through the length and breadth of the manual. I always wondered who would care to read such tomes. Now I know, who would. Finally, he decided to practically test this contraption through trial and error method. Every cycle that he wanted to test would obviously take a minimum read long and boring 25 minutes.

In between the second cycle  I believe, I began shifting my weight from one foot to the other(non verbal communication is always stronger than words, I had learnt this in one kinesics class but I guess forgot it here). I fidgeted with the television remote (showing my interest has moved to other things ), switched off one light accidentally. Now trust me I was not doing any of these things intentionally. Probably my actions were stating my state of mind.

As he observed all this, he couldn't refrain from pointing out "Are you getting impatient, that it's taking so long". I smiled apologetically and emphatically counterclaimed a NO. Am sure he was not convinced as my body language was showing otherwise. He finally said, "You are an sensible lady and such behaviour is not expected out of you". I froze. Since the time school finished, no one had ever chided me like that except for my mum who of course was a perpetual critic. I was short of words. My first thought was anger at his upfront behaviour. My second thought was that I was in the wrong accompanied by feelings of guilt.  My final thought was a lesson of a lifetime. No matter how bad your situation is (In my mind I have underlined and emboldened this statement No matter how bad your situation), you have to treat people well. 

As Regina Brett writes in her book, 'God never blinks',"No matter, how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. I would add to this. Get up, dress up and show up but do show up well !!!

Soft skills lesson 1

In today's ICE Age i.e. Information ,Communication and Entertainment Age, where knowledge and wisdom are readily available, it has become increasingly pertinent to equip oneself with soft skills or simply stating interpersonal skills which have become much more important than any hard skills(ability to perform tasks and activities) that one may have.

Soft Skills are behavioural competencies and include proficiencies such as communication skills, conflict resolution and negotiation, personal effectiveness, creative problem solving, strategic thinking, team building, influencing skills, selling skills etc.

A lot has already been spoken about soft skills, do's and dont's, but I am writing on this subject based upon personal experiences with people. Experience is a funny thing. It is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted and is often the most valuable thing one has to offer. I am writing this based upon  few of my best experiences on the usage of savoir-faire or the lack of it by either myself or by people around me.

Soft skills Lesson 1.

Brevity : the soul of wit

When Shakespeare wrote this meaningful line in The Hamlet, it seems, he conveniently ignored people's love for talking. On top of it if he were to observe the world today and witness people's penchant for saying something again and again(probably believing that it would create a better impact), he must ceaselessly churn in his grave.

Cut  to Northwick Park Hospital

Anxiety prevailed our faces, me and hubby dearest were pushing our buggy into the main reception of the hospital. An earnest call from a senior doctor requiring urgent blood tests for the little one had hassled us. He was not happy with the sample taken earlier as it showed lower blood caplets. There were two possibilities. One, the blood caplet count was actually low. Two, insufficient sample taken for the previous tests, which sometimes provides erroneous reports. The doctor was positive that it would be the second reason. We dreaded the first.

The entrance to the paediatric ward was adjacent to a glass window, inside which a team of receptionists was seated. They were approached by all the people coming in. Since we didn't have anything to do with the general ward and the door to paediatrics was open ,we walked through. (Probably, in situations like these, it is best to ask).

As we marched ahead, a young lady, apparently, one of the receptionists, came running behind us and shall I say, started enquiring, in a very loud manner about the purpose of our visit. Hubby explained the reason for our tarriance. She calmed a bit. Then as if had an afterthought and decided to yammer "You cannot enter the premises without informing one of our teams." We realised our mistake and duly apologised. She asked us to follow her to the reception so that she could do the entry. We did. While walking back, she muttered " You shouldn't have gone in without permission." I apologised again.

We reached her desk. As she was settling in her chair, she probably decided to whine a bit more. "No one enters here without permission." She took the child's details and remarked, "It is wrong to enter without letting us know." Her constant attempts to make us feel remorseful were getting on our nerves. She asked our postal address and repeated, "Whenever you come to the hospital, you first come to this desk"

Hubby (an otherwise calm and composed gentleman) had had enough of it . He rejoined, "Madam, with due respect, your point is taken and we have given our sincere apologies. Now, will you stop harping on the same fact and allow us to take the baby to the doctor. Not to be outdone, she responded "No need to take offence. I am just explaining you the rules." Knowingly or unknowingly she explained the 'Rules' a bit too many times undermining the weight of her own words.

This reminds me of childhood days when our mum would keep saying that kids don't listen and one look from dad was enough for us to toe the line. Even in spirituality, they say, the fewer words, the better prayer. Probably, God also agrees with Shakespeare  !!!

Soft Skills Lesson 2

Frantically pushing my baby's stroller, I walked as fast as my (not so) tiny frame would allow. Desperation unleashed all over my otherwise radiant countenance. The urgency was that I had to rush for a prebooked appointment with my GP for an ear infection. With last minute nappy changes and refusals for sitting in buggy, my little one is making me a pro at being late for almost every appointment. In such frenzied moments, the brain generally stops its usual tete-a-tete and one is more or less blank. In this vacuous state, I observed an octogenarian couple walking right in front of me. In ordinary circumstances, my absent minded soul would have conveniently ignored their presence. But they chose to park themselves right in front of me and saunter at a snail's pace. For someone who enjoys the British summer, it was quite nice and sunny with slightly cool breeze, brewing a perfect weather to laze around. Ahhh no time for such simple pleasures for me. I could only think of a missed appointment which would lead to my name being removed from my local GP 's list. The rule says that  if you miss your appointments thrice, your name would be removed from the list and you have to reregister, which of course is a tedious process. With the baby keeping my hands full I have no time for that and you guessed it right I have already missed my appointments twice. The couple's mood appeared to be in stark contrast with my state of mind. They wanted to sway with the breeze and soak in the daylight as if there's no tomorrow. (Well, actually that's the way to live life fully). The lady stopped midway to admire some flowers in a private garden. The gentleman followed suit. They were absolutely thrilled and delighted to see the beauty and grandeur of  those flowers like a little child, who eats candy for the first time. Their intention was not to pluck and own those flowers. Infact, they were just breathing in the fragrance and appreciating the bountiful nature. Their coos of appreciation were so animated that I couldn't help but smile.

My Lesson for life learnt : If you are happy and joyous yourself, you can spread this happiness and joy wherever you go. Like a blossomed flower, you can warm the cockles of many a heart. And if you are happy within, being courteous and gentle becomes your second nature.